Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
