dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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