I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
