The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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