we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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