oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
