Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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