Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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