Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
