I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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