Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
