Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
