The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
