A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
