tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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