He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
