I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
