my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
