a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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