The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
