Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm like, not good at living.
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