Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
