you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize