I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
