Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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