absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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