Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
