can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
