summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
