Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
