I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
