spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
