I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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