its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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