may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
