batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
