I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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