then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
