I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
