i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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