a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize