Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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