just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
