Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
