shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
