Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Michael Bay diarrhea
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
