The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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