Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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