I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
