He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
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I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
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Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize