i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
