True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
