I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We need to rekindle our bromance
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
