I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She is in my trunk
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Are we still banned from the library?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
