my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I will pee on everything he values.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
