where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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