I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
