Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
