He asked to "fluff my boner.."
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
