Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
