i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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