Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Drunk is not a location!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
