its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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