I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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