Ambien. No doubt about it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize