i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
