Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
