If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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