Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
