He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize