I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
