how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
