She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
