hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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