Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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