i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
