is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
