standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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